Theologian, Spiritualist and Artist
an autobiographical look

Liberal Church Upbringing: I was raised in the Lutheran Christain tradition. This is a protestant tradition is based on each person's right to read and interpret the Bible and the Gospels for themselves (with guidance by pastors and other theologians, Bible study groups etc.). It is believed that each individual must grow their own personal and private relationship with God through Jesus. I have always had a theological and philosophical mind and an artistic nature. The Lutheran church of the 1970's fed me fully in these areas. Christian mysticism and work with the gifts of the Holy Spirit were a central part of my early childhood and also the wedge of division between members of my childhood church. More traditional members finally left the congregation. It was traumatic for my family as we left this (for me) haven of tangible spiritual activity for the more doctrinal liturgy of the newly forming congregation.

I had very early theological experiences which I remember well. The earliest I remember was as a pre-school child. I was sitting and spinning on my bum the way children do, talking with my mother. As I spun I asked her "if God created everything, who created God?" Ah, the age old dilema of prior existence. Her inability to answer this question stopped me spinning, my first "ah ha". There are mysteries which even my mother can not shed light on.

The first non-Christian mystical experience happened to me as a 13 year old standing atop the Pyramid of the Sun near Mexico City. There was a tangible energy surrounding my body and I felt at once connected to the Earth and the Sun. I had felt this way many times in my willow tree at home and was not frightened by it. I felt like a pillar. And then the "otherness" of the energy began to filter in. I had never had a mystical experience outside of Christianity and this was older, deeper, at once foreign and familiar. It was the familiarity of this utterly foreign energy that shook me up, I think. I began to wonder what religions and spiritual traditions did lie beyond my ken!

Connection to the Earth: I come from a long line of farmers who were also teachers and often preachers. My earliest memories are in trees, the garden, the woods and fields of my Grandmother's land. My mothers cousin who we called Uncle Pete, used to take us on nature walks. He would show us which plants to eat, which ones were medicinal, which ones we must never touch. I try to pass this knowlege and the awesomeness of Nature on through my work in Sustainable Urban Environments.

My father took us up to the Boundary Waters and we learned the Spiritual depth that Earth calls us into. My mother was the original recycler and a Shaklee Distributer from the 1970s. We crushed cans, saved bags, filled the wood box to save on gas, we had large gardens, and we held the "Modern Medical World" at a safe distance for when bones needed setting and such. My Elementary School, Sunset Hill, had and continues to have a nature center and an environmental curriculum that mirrored my education at home. It was a progressive "Free to Be You and Me" school. We entered the building by saying "I like myself unconditionally" and we left with dirty fingernails from planting trees and native grasses. It was bliss in so many ways. We were introduced to meditation and shown the film of Johnathan Livingston Seagull every year. Higher order thinking skills were engaged on every level.

As mentioned above, I knew, experienced and embraced the energy of unity with the natural world. This is the world God made for me, so why should I fear it? When plants and animals express themselves to us humans, we need to stay still, quiet, and listen. They are communicating all the time through how and where they are growing, through how they look and smell and feel, by what they are willing to do for us. We must find our place beside them. This is what I grew up believing and it holds true to my art today!

The fear that some might have is that I am worshipping nature as though it were a god rather than caring for nature because it comes from god. But my relationship with nature is neither of these, really. I have always felt that living beings, including me, are an extention of god. So do I think I am god? I was taught that god is my father and I am a child of god. So the essence of divinity is within me and all life. Big idea for a child? Yes. But I soon found scholarship to verify my philosophy.

Music integrates my soul: I always sang and danced. Formally I studied the Suzuki Zen method of violin begining at age 6. When I began to study voice in school and privately, the lessons always had a spiritual connection. When we sing, our bodies are the instrument. We vibrate and become unified with the vibration of life! The choir room was an early training ground for mystical experience. As I studied theater, I also became aware of the dangers of other personalities intruding on my soul. A difficulty pointed out by Socrates, I would later discover. The assumption of a character does affect and inform one's soul. I later decided against acting as a career based on these experiences. Though theatrical presentation is beneficial to the soul and I do much of this in my work today.

1980 - 1990
Scholarship Takes Hold: A student at Wayzata High School, (graduating in 1984) I was lucky enough to be introduced to world religions and I studied Zen Budhism and Taoism reading these influential works:

"The Tao Te Ching" by Lao Tsu

"Johnathan Livingston Seagull" and "Illusions" by Richard Bach

"The Awakening of Zen" by Suzuki

I could relate to these philosophies intimatly as I had early Zen experiences as a Suzuki violin student. I began training in the Martial Arts at this time and was able to physically practice what I was intellectually able to grasp.

I studied quantum theory and read the books:

"The Tao of Physics" by Fritjof Capra

"The Dancing Wu Li Masters" by Gary Zukav

"The Ascent of Man" by Jacob Bronowski

I also read the works of Plato at this time which really influenced me to probe more deeply into my own philosophy of reality.

"Dialogues" and "Republic" by Plato

Socrates' method of dialectic and it's opposite, sophism, and the types of culture these ways of seeing and behaving in the world create, caused me to observe more closely my own handed down traditions, thought patterns, and ways of relating to others and creating community. Self examination was always part of the Lutheran tradition, theologically speaking.

God as feminine energy: In the Lutheran tradition we are taught that God is neither male nor female. Yet we call God him, father, lord and all mannar of masculine names. We do not have Mary as a divine figure for women to relate to, or saints, or angels really. The Conservative Lutheranism of my later years was, for me, devoid of connection to the feminine and bland in terms of ritual. I visited a Catholic Church with friends and found an interesting new style of Christianity within.

As I described, my life was a constant flow of education and sprituality. So my mystical experiences were continuous. But I would say that the third most profound mystical experience happened when in High School, I rode my bike over to the Catholic Church accross the street where a statue of Mary stood enshrined in the gardens. I always rode my bike past her and felt a lovely chill each time. But this time I stopped, I knelt before her, and I crossed myself. I felt that same powerful flooding of energy, the pillar of connection, and the otherness that came from experiencing something outside of my education. I cried when I began to feel myself as a female understanding that God was my Mother, not just my Father. This experience opened me to new understandings and a new relationship to Jesus. I began to see that Mary was his mother and I am his sister and she is my mother. I later describe this experience in the song Remember Me.

From here I began to study Catholicism as well a the older religions that always viewed god as Mother.

Other Teachers: I had the opportunity to study with Starhawk in the mid-80's when she came to Minneapolis. Through her work I was able to give ritualized attention to my body as an extention of the natural world. I began to chart my menstrual cycles and found them to be mirrored in the moon cycles. I began to see the ancient holy days as astronomical events and began to make real connections to the cycles of life and death. These studies led me to do the Discovering Origins/Building Traditions Project some 12 years later!

I read these books:

"Spiral Dance" by Starhawk

"When God Was a Woman" by Merlin Stone

"Hero With a Thousand Faces" and
"The Power of Myth" by Joseph Campbell

A variety of books on ESP and psychic phenomenon...really about anything I could get my hands on.

At this time I also voraciously consumed all I could of Arthurian legend material and Celtic mythology.

Reading and studying about spirituality, psychology and religion was important, but as an artist I am an experiential learner. Humans need to experience their learning (as Kierkegard pointed out) and ritual is how we put our knowlege into practice. It's how we integrate our bodies, minds, and spirits.

Eastern Religion and Practice: I continued my studies in Martial Arts, adding Fencing to my Shotokan Karate (and in the late 80's moving to Tai Chi Chuan.) These studies have grown into my Staving work today.

Through this I began to understand the energetic body - the mechanics behind my mystical experiences - the "Tao of Physics" in practice! I read books on the Chakras and Eastern spirituality and medicine (This eventually led me to my Feng Shui Practice today!):

"Chakras for Beginners" by David Pond

"The 7 Healing Chakras" by Brenda Davies

"Staying Healthy with the Seasons" by E. Haas (highly reccomended, I still use this every week)

On the Buddhist side of things I was introduced to the practice of Nichiren Buddhism by friend Sara Beadle who still practices today! I have integrated the chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo into the Discovering Origins/Building Traditions Project shows.

European Pre-Christian Practice: I began to attend "Full Moon Dances" with the goup Silver Circle. This group still meets and is the oldest running public ritual group in Minneapolis. Here is a link to Earth House. They have assumed the running of Silver Circle as well as running the Coffee Cauldron. Both events are monthly opportunities for people to come and ask questions and share experiences. Very non-threatening, community building, and welcoming, I reccomend these events to anyone and often bring my children!

Interestingly enough, I found the ritual of the Catholic tradition with it's inscence, kneeling, crossing oneself, standing, singing, elaborate iconography and the use of Latin to give me a similar "rush" as the pagan circle ceremonies as well as the Budhist practice. There is a calling to worship and engagement of all the senses with candles, inscense, prayer beads and bells, and a closure to the service that ends in community building activities such as eating and talking.

I began to read Carl Jung's work:
"The Archetypes and the Collective Unconcious"

This helped me to see the variety of dieties as aspects of our cultural collective psyche. The Mothergod is my yin and the Fathergod is my yang sides. My animus and anima, my left and right brain, can be personified in the aspects of the dieties.

Again, however, there is a fear that I was instructed in from the begining of my life. The fear of Satan, the adversary. A fear that if I explore too far I will stray from the path of righteousnes and put my immortal soul in danger of an eternity of damnation. Yikes!

My sister one time asked me about this. My response to her, and to all who inquire, is that based on my early personal relationship with Jesus, I am always at liberty to ask him directly if my studies and the revelations and spiritual experiences I am gaining through them are harmful to me. And, he answers me. We have a long history of talking with one another.

As I studied the history of religion I realized, I was studying the evolution of human conciousness. And I am seeing the million aspects of the Divine. I also realized that the literature supporting who God is was written by humans with their own cultural filters, needs, and historical contexts.

Higher Education: When I went to Luther College in Decorah, Iowa in 1984. There I studied a variety of Christain theologies including the Gnostic Gospels, Liberation Theology, and Christian Humanism.

"I and Thou" by Martin Buber was an influential work.

"Fear and Trembling" by Kierkegard and his other works helped me to put my life's experiences and my unique relationship with the Divine into an adult perspective.

And studies in Archeology, particularly the book:

"Cows, Pigs, Wars and Witches" by Marvin Harris allowed me to put religion into historical and political perspective.

At The College of St. Thomas in St. Paul, MN I was lucky enough to study a variety of spiritual traditions with Christians who were examples of bridging and unifying ancient shamanic practice and modern Christainity. What a joy those years were.

One of the most profound classes I had was in Biblical studies with Dr. Gale Yee. Understanding the Bible in the context of those who wrote it was essential to my ability to interpret it further for myself. Especially "the Satan" of Job. When looking at the developmental psychology of God as portrayed in the Bible, I can see the multiplex of dieties in the creation stories, the unified or Monotheistic concept and, as in the book of job, the polarized yin and yang God. It was at this time that I no longer saw the "devil" in the childhood fear state. Coming to this understanding allowed me to plunge more deeply into my other studies.

From 1987 to 1991 I also studied these things:

Medicine Wheels

Dream Work

and alternative forms of healing with crystals, energy, massage, vision quest and past life regression with friend and colleague Betty Bigelbach and others.

From 1990 to the present:

My life as a singer songwriter, healer, ritualist, and multimedia performance artist took off! With roots as deep and profound as I have been blessed with and a society that allows freedom of expression and spiritual exploration, my out pouring artistically is limitless. I am grateful, humbled by the profound nature of my life, and excited to share my vision with others so that they too may learn and grow into their own unique spiritual selves!

FAQ:

Are you a Wiccan or a Christian or what?

I will always consider myself a Christian as my relationship with Jesus permeates my life. It is my goal to attain the state of Christ Conciousness that he modelled for us. In order to do this I must come to a state of unconditional love that is devoid of emotional attachment, individual expectation, and judgement. In my own ritual life I have integrated things learned from all of the above influences and studies.

Do you have a church?

I have a large and healthy spiritual community which I access through the Discovering Origins/Building Traditions Friends, Goddess Night Events and Festivals, Silver Circle and through the variety of church and coven organizations that hire me to perform, speak, and teach in thier institutions. As an an-archical person, I do not seek a permanent body of people to worship with. My spirituality is a personal daily diligence expressed through Tai Chi, art, music and my daily tasks of living.

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